What’s up, you frickin slug sniffers. I know we usually have family time on Sundees, but I’ve been in a hole lately. It’s a shallow hole up to my knees filled with this slow-drying cement. I can wiggle my toes and wave my arms but can’t quite move my legs. Selfishly, I always feel a little better after hanging out with you all, so I brought a loathsome loaf home for dinner.
I was going through the ol’ internet mailbox today while avoiding my day job and opened up this one from
over there at . As a slow-walking New York City transplant myself, I have found plenty to learn from . The work is personal and political and employs a full-hearted perspective that is both informative and entertaining.After a stalker-ish deduction of geographical details in his writing, I concluded that
and I probably don’t live too far from one another, might’ve even sat on the same train before. I’ve got to say, it feels good knowing I’ve got a neighbor that also has to restrain himself from bonking one of those sidewalk-surfing moped fellas on the noggin.Here’s Ason Born’s NEW YORK I LOVE YOU, BUT YOU’RE BRINGING ME DOWN.
Dear New York,
I love you so much, but my loathing for this city has been growing more and more as time goes. This isn’t just for one reason, I have built up a plethora of arguments as to why this city is not the same as the one I grew to love. For the moment, I’m going to choose a new issue that has been causing me intense agita as of late.
I want to start this off by clarifying that I am in fact, a native New Yorker and extremely proud of it. I find this necessary as we live in a world where we have millions of claimants on being from the big apple, while few of them know what it was like when a Chopped Cheese was a little known Deli concoction; rather than a trendy sandwich that you can now buy at a vegan deli. Very few people that will read this will understand what I’m talking about, but if you do you are a kindred spirit. Nonetheless, I find this important to clarify because I am not against the onslaught of moped riders on the streets due to a lack of understanding of NYC culture.
My issue with them all boils down to this: can we please make a collective decision on if the mopeds are for the street or the fucking side walk.
I am so sick of having to watch my back when I hear that roar and mutter of a moped driver who is scared to play traffic games with NYC vehicles. Or the corner cutters who want to cut their commute time by jumping on the sidewalk for a few blocks. It’s actually starting to really upset me. I have never had to experience watching for so many things at once while walking a New York street. From bikers, to mopeds, to rogue drivers, mentally ill homeless people, robbers, muggers, and transplants who don’t know how to walk fast enough; I am starting to get highly exhausted. I just would like to make one amendment to this array of obstacles in this Super Mario Kart esque video game, called “Walking to the Grocery Store”. Such amendment is, to please have the moped drivers use the street and bike lanes exclusively. Like are you guys scared to stick with the big boys?
I don’t even see bicycles on the sidewalk anymore. And as a Queens native, riding a bike on the sidewalk and street combined is something I live by. But now that we have bike lanes and an overcrowded city of pedestrians that just is not practical. Not to mention I was a young child when I played that game, so I deserved a bit more sympathy. At this present moment, I have no sympathy for grown people who can’t decide where to drive their motorized vehicle. I am not a violent person by any means, but I have never been more urged to kick someone off of a vehicle until the time I almost got my heel clipped by a moped driver.
And I love motorbikes! I’ll let you all in on a big secret: I’m actually from the ‘hood’ by whatever definition you would like to give that. So I am very used to big groups of dirtbike, banshee, three-wheeler, and motorcycle riders taking over the streets with loud motors, wheelies, and dangerous tricks. I actually bore witness to a high speed chase on Atlantic avenue a few weeks ago between some dirtbike riders and the NYPD. And I was very close to being hit by one of the bikers. I have no quarrel with him whatsoever, I actually cheered as he got away from the police.
But for you Mo-pedders? I just have a simple request that will make me appreciate you as much as the dirt bike gangs. Stay in the fucking street please.
Signed, sealed and delivered, an Indigenous Black New Yorker.
Remember kids, keep your head on a swivel, and while you’re at it, go read
!As always, send your tales of love and loathing to daisycashin@gmail.com
Fill me up!
Hello, world. Good to see ya.
You coined sidewalk surfing I’m definitely using that
I hate these people! It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man on top of some kind of wheels belongs on the road.